雅思大作文6分范文分析

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學(xué)習方法建議：讀題-思考ideas-閱讀范文和譯文-分析扣題和論述是否充分-結(jié)合考官評語和組長解析提升對評分標準的理解-結(jié)合題目梳理ideas和話題詞匯。

以下題目和范文來自劍15-A-Test3。

題目：

審題：與G類相比，A類大作文題目的表述會復(fù)雜一點，不認真讀題很可能會遺漏關(guān)鍵信息導(dǎo)致論述不充分。這道題包括三個部分：未來、沒人會買紙質(zhì)報紙或書籍、在線免費閱讀所有東西，寫作任務(wù)是多大程度同意或不同意。這道題采取部分同意會比較好寫：雖然我相信以后人們可以在線閱讀所有東西，但我不同意沒人買紙質(zhì)報紙和雜志。

范文：6分，343words，保留了所有錯誤，注意識別。

Today s technologies enable us to read books on electronic devices and, whats more, we can store hundreds of thousands of books on devices like Amazons kindle e-reader. This makes some people believe that people will stop printing books and in the future, everything will be digitalized.

譯文：現(xiàn)代科技是我們能夠在電子設(shè)備上看書，而且可以把成百上千本書儲存在像亞馬遜的Kindle這種設(shè)備上。這讓很多人認為以后人們會不再印書，所有東西都會數(shù)字化。

組長解析：開頭段對題目的改述不夠充分，雖然對印刷品、在線閱讀進行了回應(yīng)，但完全沒有提到without paying，很可能是沒有認真充分讀題就開始動筆造成的，考場上一定要讀題三遍，畫出所有關(guān)鍵詞，再圍繞關(guān)鍵詞思考ideas。agree/disagree題型應(yīng)在開頭段給出個人立場，回應(yīng)寫作任務(wù)。

Electronic books and newspapers have many advantages. They are easy to use and research. They can be stored in computers, mobiles, e-readers and in clouds in huge amounts and are available at anytime. The cost of manufacturing and printing was completely removed, which reduced their price. Digital books and newspapers also have one very important advantage - they are environmentally friendly. No paper is used to print magazines and books, which means fewer trees are cut from our forests to produce paper. All of these factors convinced many people that digital versions of books and magazines are more convenient, ethical and cheaper choices.

譯文：電子書和報紙有很多優(yōu)勢。它們方便使用和查找。它們可以被大量地存儲在電腦、手機、電子閱讀設(shè)備和云端并且隨時查看。制造和印刷的成本完全被省掉，因此價格也會便宜。數(shù)字版圖書和報紙還有一個非常重要的好處，環(huán)保。人們不再用紙來印刷報紙和雜志，意味著用于造紙的森林砍伐會減少。這些因素讓很多人相信數(shù)字版圖書和雜志是更為方便、道德、便宜的選擇。

組長解析：除非采取完全同意的態(tài)度，這道題無論是部分同意還是完全不同意都需要對紙媒的優(yōu)勢進行論述，這一段的ideas值得參考。

On the other hand, traditional printed books and magazines have existed for centuries and I believe they have created some kind of emotional connection and value for people. When a man reads a book and he likes it, he most probably would like to have it in the form of a tangible thing. Books are a form of art, like statues and paintings. You can have a picture of some famous paintings, but the painting itself has some intangible value. Magazines and newspapers do not have such value in themselves. Based on this, I believe that the amount of books printed will decrease considerably and maybe even dramatically. However, printed, tangible books will still be demanded by many people as they have some aura and value in addition to the things that are written inside.

譯文：另一方面，傳統(tǒng)的印刷書籍和雜志已經(jīng)有幾個世紀的歷史，我覺得他們已經(jīng)給人們創(chuàng)造了某種情感關(guān)系和價值。當一個人讀喜歡的書的時候，他很可能會喜歡拿它在手里。書和雕像、繪畫類似，是一種藝術(shù)形式。你可以有名畫的照片，但名畫本身有無形的價值。雜志和報紙沒有這種價值。基于此，我認為印刷書的數(shù)量會大幅減少。但是，仍然會有很多人需要印刷的可觸摸的書，因為除了內(nèi)容，它們還有一些氛圍和價值的東西。

組長解析：這一段的論述不夠扣題，觀點也不夠清晰，沒有說明紙媒、網(wǎng)絡(luò)閱讀、免費的關(guān)系，而且與結(jié)尾段連起來看讓讀者搞不清楚考生的立場到底是什么。

I do think, though, that there is a big chance magazines and newspapers will move into the online world completely. This is because they are published in huge numbers daily and weekly and monthly and no one needs them after years. Printing so huge amount of articles will demand additional resources and make them less competitive even in terms of price.

譯文：我認為雜志和報紙很可能會完全網(wǎng)絡(luò)化。因為每天每周每月都大量出版報紙和雜志，多年后沒人會需要他們。印大量的文章會需要額外的資源而且在價格上沒有競爭力。

組長解析：結(jié)尾段給出了個人觀點，但和前文的聯(lián)系并不緊密，前文一直在說紙媒的好處，似乎是部分同意的立場，但結(jié)尾卻說沒人需要，似乎是完全同意的立場，觀點不清晰，影響TR和CC。建議結(jié)尾段寫作與開頭段呼應(yīng)，重申觀點并總結(jié)全文。

考官評語：這篇作文很有想法，作者分析了網(wǎng)絡(luò)材料與印刷材料相比的優(yōu)勢，以及在報紙雜志等印刷材料可能會完全數(shù)字化的背景下紙質(zhì)書不會完全消失的原因。題目中有paying，但文中對cost的論述太簡略，如果能更充分地解釋說明在線材料是否會免費，TR分數(shù)會更高。CC方面，邏輯清晰，分段合理，連接方式使用恰當，如All of these factours, On the other hand, Based on this等。詞匯豐富，使用了搭配，如electronics devices， Digital book and newspapers, environmetally friendly, digital versions, traditional printed books, emotional connection and value等，只有兩處拼寫錯誤，rech應(yīng)該是reach，recouces應(yīng)該是resources。綜合使用了簡單句和復(fù)雜句，準確度總體可以，存在的錯誤包括Todays應(yīng)該是Todays，to read book應(yīng)為books，makes some people to believe 應(yīng)該是makes some people believe，digital versions of books...is 應(yīng)該是are , printing so應(yīng)該是such a huge amount of articles，但這些錯誤沒有影響意思表達。

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